By Harumi Naito

lifelivedcandidly.com

Many things to many people. I’ve learned a lot about what love is and can be and what love is not. In high school, I learned that love is not about appealing to someone else. It’s not about categorizing who you are or hiding your feelings. It’s not about being someone else’s foundation or anchor when you hardly have enough to hold yourself down. It’s not about lust or becoming another person. At the time, I believed that I had experienced love. Or maybe I fell in love with the warm and fuzzy feeling of being wanted.  

In college, I met someone, who would soon change how I viewed love. Suddenly, being vulnerable and honest regarding my feelings wasn’t such a bad thing. I learned that a relationship fueled with love required building trust, understanding, and compassion. Love wasn’t all about the physical attraction, but also included emotional and mental attraction. Love became daily texts stating, “Good morning! How’d you sleep?”, enduring distance, and support during late night study sessions. Love was going to 6 hour long graduation ceremonies, sitting in a hospital waiting room to hear the results of a surgery, and encouraging each other during mentally and physically challenging times.

In developing this deeply connected relationship with another person, I found peace in self-love. I discovered that supporting yourself was just as important as supporting your best friend, your partner. Self-love lent itself to caring about my body as a home, recognizing some of the tough thoughts that submerged in my mind, and reminding myself that I am happy with who I am. I learned about self-appreciation, that praising oneself didn’t have to be negative, that I was worth being alive. 

Creating this healthy relationship with myself and with my partner, I thought back on what I had seen in the movies. How sometimes love was depicted through acts of jealousy, violence, a loss of identity, sex, or the answer to all of life’s issues. While love or rather a relationship may endure these factors, I found that love took up a different meaning for each individual. 

Even in the last year alone, love evolved to open communication, honesty, listening, and dispelling assumptions. What I know or rather what I think I know proses dangers to the love that I’ve developed with my partner. I lived, experienced, and grew. Made many mistakes, got into arguments without a point to prove, and unintentionally gaslighted. I’ve wanted to give up when things got difficult, when I felt overwhelmed with the world around me, and when I didn’t have a quick resolution. 

But somehow the love I shared with my partner and with myself carried through the storm. We became stronger. I became stronger. 

In my friendships, the stress about always being connected faded. Because with some of my closest friends, it wasn’t about talking every single day, but rather caring from afar. Our love for one another proved to be solid as we checked in about virtually anything. From discussing school and career stress to the everyday chores and raising a family, the simple act of messaging or calling was enough to maintain the close-knit relationships I shared with them. Here, love is understanding, love is caring, and love is supporting. 

I guess what I’m getting at with this love topic is that love is a lot of things. Love is finding and supporting yourself during trying times. Love is taking care of yourself and others. Love is compromising in a relationship, but not compromising so much that you lose yourself. It’s also about listening, sharing, and being real with yourself and the people you care about. Love is communicating, growing, and knowing that you’re not perfect. Love evolves every single day and probably as tomorrow comes, my definition of love will continue to expand.

It is always wonderful to read the work of someone as fearlessly authentic and genuine as Harumi. Her sincerity challenges and reminds us to value ourselves and others, and we could not be happier to have her as a part of this collaboration! Click the link below to see Harumi’s amazing website and blog!