This piece was originally written as a guest post for the inspirational Michelle Oram and her website boomerecocrusader.com to be part of the “Clutter Tales” series. To see more of Michelle’s website and blog click here.

It really piled up. After years of moving out of all manner of apartments and houses I had unknowingly started a collection of random boxes filled with things I had yet unpacked. One is marked “hutch” even though we haven’t lived with one in our home since our first apartment in Chicago over 14 years ago. Another has “kitchen” in red written on it, and then scribbled out with black ink, and “den” scrawled underneath it. Interestingly enough we’ve never lived in a place with a den so it’s anyone’s guess what’s inside that bad boy. Or the massive blue tote with the mismatching lid that has become a sort of catch-all, and is filled with Christmas lights, camping cutlery and of course, moving blankets. 

Most are packed with objects that are not quite worthless, but I have no obvious use for them. Like the battery powered air mattress pump that still works regardless of the fact the mattress sprung a leak years ago. Why throw away a perfectly good pump, right? A controller for a video game system that I haven’t played in years, or an old bicycle helmet that I have never worn. In my mind these are not things to be tossed, but I have no clue when I might use them, or where they can be stored in the mean time.

With time I’ve come to understand that my mind is eerily similar to my garage. Over the years there are random thoughts and opinions that I have picked up and held on to for either very little reason, or none at all. Just like those boxes it was time for me to look inside each thought or belief and ask myself “Do I really want to keep this?”  

The boxes are easy to diagnose as needing attention because they are beat up and marked “hutch” or “den” but the unwanted garbage in my mind can be a bit tougher to find and figure out. I noticed however there are phrases that tend to accompany most of my mental clutter that act as a dead give away in spotting them: “That’s just the way it is” or “I was just born that way”. It is fascinating how many of these statements and phrases I had learned along the way as a coping mechanism to either belittle or dismiss things I didn’t know or understand. 

Our families and loved ones can be a source of great comfort and inspiration, but they can also be one of the biggest contributors to our mental and emotional baggage as well. “This is the way we have alway done it” or the silent and constant pressure of feeling like you’re going against the stream if you decide in a way that is different than your parents or siblings. Dealing with those closest to us, especially from childhood, can be where some of the most difficult and demanding situations and relationships can spring from. Is there room for dear old friends and family and personal and emotional growth? Absolutely. But it can take time, careful consideration and most importantly, patience.

When we find and sort through boxes of old stuff we separate the things we want from the things that we don’t, and it is the same game in our mental and emotional space. That leads to the question: how do we get rid of the thoughts and opinions that we no longer want? In my experience the best way to discard them is by asking questions. It works well to grab a piece of paper and begin firing them off, of myself, and whatever it is I am dealing with directly. Where did it come from? Why have I held on to it? What reasons do I have to change my mind? Realistically though all that matters is that you take the time to ask yourself questions and truthfully deal with the answers that you find. With practice it will become easier to listen to that voice within, and understand what is worth keeping and what isn’t.