If there is one thing that comes up the most in speaking with people it is not only a lack of self-love, but a lack of awareness of that lack of self-love. When we see someone with an obvious drug addiction, or they are alcoholics, it may seem easy to diagnose the shortage of inward compassion, but I find there are far more people with a real disdain for themselves than they may be able to admit to or even identify. Why does there seem to be so many good-hearted and well-intended people who so deeply dislike themselves? 

I suppose the short answer is: life ain't easy, and many of us are born into, or possibly even unknowingly shown, that emotional and spiritual care is a luxury that we can’t afford, so don’t even waste your time. For whatever reason in our society it seems more important that we produce something than the state of the person who is producing it. The problem with that, of course, is that it eventually leaves us with no fulfillment or meaning in and of ourselves, other than what we can produce. Approaching our lives as skin covered robots like this will only make us chronically unhappy and devastatingly sad. From what I can tell, the most important things we can do in this life are to find out who we are and then love ourselves and others as best we can. 

There are many signs of a basic lack of kindness toward oneself, but they are different and vary from person to person. For some it is working out far too intensely and punishing their body, while for others it is a complete lack of exercise. Some people knowingly allow themselves to be mistreated in relationships while others refuse relationships altogether. It is not so much about the specific action, but about the intent and feeling behind it. If you were a friend of yours, how would you feel about the love and attention you’re receiving?

The very beginning of reconciling an issue like this is the awareness of its existence. Knowing that you would like to be more thoughtful and caring with yourself has a tangible impact that can be truly transformational in all areas of life.  We are all deserving of our own love and affection and any steps toward that end will bring about even more love within us. 

The unconditional Love that God is far outweighs any of our abilities to understand it. Meditating on and thinking of that Love in and of itself will begin a change that will do more than keep you from any fiery pits later -- it will help ease the hell that you may be living in right now. With Love, living this life well is possible, and we can actually like ourselves while doing it.